Mark is a retired sea captain. He spends his days crafting meat sculptures and crocheting football helmets for the local children’s hospital. After discovering the cure for carpal tunnel and carefully preserving it for posterity, he climbed Everest in a wheelchair, and played Mahjong until it hurt and he regrettably had to use the only dose of that cure on himself while also losing the wheelchair, a toaster oven and his virginity in that game of Mahjong. Speaking four languages is something he has never done… unless you count pain, gain, stupidity and triumph… in that order. Being a native of the planet Earth, Mark is currently working on time travel. He would like to thank Aretha Franklin for the $50 gift certificate to Kohl’s and Stella for getting his groove back.